Laura Berardi
Failure
University is a place of competition, from interviews for extracurricular positions to weeding students out of classes and programs. Competition is everywhere and can feel like a system set up for failure rather than success. When I graduated high school I solely identified with my academics and leadership roles. Given this identity, I set three achievable goals for university: an academic average to maintain my scholarship and AEO status, complete a dual degree in Ivey and MedSci, and become a Soph. Easy – is what I believed.
By the end of first year, I had lost my scholarship and did not get a spot on the Soph team – I was devasted by my first failures. Nonetheless, I went into second year with a confident attitude using the failures as motivation to succeed, but that deflated quickly. I received a 40% on my first midterm, leading me into the worst mental state I’ve ever experienced and my worst undergrad year. All I wanted was a reset, and I felt like it was out of reach. I let one midterm paralyze my mind causing me to spin out of control, doubting myself personally and academically. I saw myself as a failure. In the new year I had applied to Soph again, hoping this would get me back on track. But, at the end of second year, I was not a Soph, I was no longer enjoying MedSci, and I did not get into Ivey. The failures and mental state seemed to spiral deeper – I had disappointed myself and let it get me down for months. To add to it all, I had to choose a new module, change my mindset, and try my best to set new attainable goals, all which felt impossible.
Third year was a fresh start with a new double major program and new-found leadership roles on campus. By the end, I was fortunate to get a spot on the 2019/20 Soph team. Still, both third and fourth year continued to present challenges and “failures”, each time getting the best of me. However, I now know they are just feelings for a day or a week or a month, not a lifetime. Talking about personal failures needs to happen more. I think if more people spoke with me about it, I wouldn’t have felt embarrassed or isolated or like a failure.
Going into my last semester at Western is very bittersweet. I’ve been reflecting on my time here and have narrowed it down to this – it’s been the best four years with some of the worst days. I have come to the realization that this is just the journey, and that journey includes the successes, the celebrations and most definitely the failures. So here I am in my fourth year, graduating in a couple of months with a different degree I started with, a lower average than I thought I would have, and as a Science Soph with the self-awareness that I am so much more than academic grades and rejections. My failures allow me to have a stronger appreciation for accomplishments and have led me to achieving goals that were always part of the journey, I just did not know it at the start.