Jessica Look

Failure

Failure. The F-word. 7 little letters, yet it weighs heavy in our hearts and in our minds. Everyone fears it - nobody wants to feel like a failure. It often comes with feelings of disappointment, guilt, loneliness and hopelessness.

Disappointing my friends and family is probably one of my greatest fears of all time. I’m terrified of the day they find out I failed something, or even worse, that they think I’ve failed them. 

My first year at Western went by like a blur; I was very lucky to meet and befriend many wonderful people. Socially, I was really happy, you could maybe even say successful. Academically, I felt like an absolute failure. I had horrible study habits, remnants of what used to be a decent sleep schedule, and grades that would prove it. I lost motivation and interest in what I was learning. I thought I would just tough out first year and things would get better, right? Wrong.

Fast forward to first semester of second year: I was hopeful that things would change for the better, that I would miraculously have better study skills without having actively worked to improve it, that I would have newfound passion for my program, and that I would enjoy what I was learning. Spoiler alert: I hated everything. A little voice in the back of my mind told me to get out of the program I had no interest in, but I couldn’t get past the overwhelming voice that told me I’d be a failure if I couldn’t tough out 4 years. I didn’t want to disappoint my family for wasting 3 semesters already, for potentially having to spend more time in school, and having people think that I was a failure.

This winter break, I finally caved and decided to switch programs, but I was afraid to tell everyone about it. I was extremely surprised and grateful when all of my family and friends showed all their support and love, hearing that I finally found something that I felt passionate about. They never made me feel like a failure, not even for a second. Every time I’ve made a “mistake”, my dad has always reminded me that there’s nothing wrong with failing. He told me that it sucks to fail, to feel like you can’t fix it, but there’s always something you can do. The best you can do is learn from each “failure”, and to be able to honestly tell yourself that tried your best. For anyone reading this, I’m rooting for you, and it’s okay to “fail” once in a while!